I Didn't Mean It
by oncerforlifeig
Summary: "Everything around her fell silent and the only thing she could hear was her rapid heartbeat pounding mercilessly within the confines of her chest. Throwing her hands up, the former queen engulfed herself in a cloud of purple smoke, using magic to transport herself to the ER within a flash. - A SwanQueen ficlet. MAJOR SADNESS but fluff at the end.


"Are you really serious right now?!" Emma asked, frustration written throughout her tone as she drove down Main Street, Regina talking to her on the other end of the phone. Well, more like yelling, but after two years of being with the snarky mayor, the sheriff would've thought she'd have gotten used to it all by now.

"I can assure you I am very serious. If you are hiding something from me, Ms. Swan, I suggest you come right out and say it now before I find out the information through my sources. And trust me, you _do not_ want that to happen."

" _Ms. Swan?_ Are we back to formalities again, _Madam Mayor_?" Emma hissed into her phone, though anytime her wife spoke her name in that manner, accompanied with a calm tone, it sent chills rising up her spine. This time was no different.

"That all depends on how you choose to continue this conversation." Stopping at the light, the blonde sighed deeply, running her free hand through her hair, "Regina, listen to me. I don't know what it is that you're upset about but if you calmly tell me, we can discuss this rationally and I can ease your worries."

The brunette scoffed as she paced around her kitchen, the fury building in the pit of her stomach showing no signs of calming anytime soon. "Ease my worries? Please. You can barely eat without wasting food on yourself and somehow you actually believe that you can ease my nonexistent ' _worries_ '?" That pushed Emma near her breaking point, "If you're going to stoop to petty insults we can end this conversation right here and now."

Silence was the only reply on the receiving end of the phone. "Hello?" Emma asked as the light turned green and she began driving again. Obviously she could hear Regina breathing but she couldn't quite tell if it was angry panting or calm, remorseful breathing. "You are the _epitome_ of annoying, Ms. Swan."

Both women were heated beyond repair now and as Emma grit her teeth, trying to keep her focus on the road, she growled, "That's it Regina, we can continue this conversation at home. _In person_!" Regina pulled her phone from her ear for a moment, stared at it, and placed it back where it originally was, "And who's to say I will let you come inside? No, no, Ms. Swan, you made your bed. Now _lie_ in it!"

 _Click_. Regina hung up the phone, slamming it on the counter and causing the screen to slightly crack, thanks to the force she was using. Emma on the other hand stared in disbelief that her wife would actually hang up on her without the slightest care to resolve this or even tell Emma what the hell it was that she was so upset about. Averting her attention back to the road, she drove as fast as the speed limit would allow, racing to get to Mifflin Street, home, so she could work this out with her wife.

But as hours passed, Emma never showed up. Regina had calmed down by now and was actually beginning to worry. Emma had never let an argument simmer, she was too stubborn for that. She would _always_ come to Regina and they would work it out face to face. She was leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping on a glass of wine—a weak attempt at calming her nerves—when her phone rang again.

The ringtone automatically let her know it was her wife's number calling and she wasted no time picking it up, " _Emma,_ I am so sorry!" Regina spat out before letting her wife get a word in edgewise. "Madam Mayor?" A deep voice spoke, she recognized it instantly. " _Whale_? What are you doing with Emma's phone?!"

The brunette had to restrain herself from grinding her teeth in anger, "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You need to come down to the hospital, there's been an accident." Regina's heart and the glass she was holding dropped simultaneously, breaking upon impact with the floor as wine spilled everywhere.

Everything around her fell silent and the only thing she could hear was her rapid heartbeat pounding mercilessly within the confines of her chest. Throwing her hands up, the former queen engulfed herself in a cloud of purple smoke, using magic to transport herself to the ER within a flash. The moment the smoke cleared and she saw that she was in the waiting room, she didn't bother with trying to check in at the nurse's station. _No_. She needed to see her wife and she needed to see her _now_. Thankfully Dr. Whale had just walked into the waiting room, spotting Regina just as she was about to march toward his direction.

"What the hell happened?!" Her voice croaked as tears glossed her eyes but the sympathetic look in his eyes confirmed her worst fear. "Emma was in an accident. Somehow she lost control of the wheel and skid across the road into a telephone pole. She managed to come out with minor scrapes and bruises but when the paramedics picked her up, she was unresponsive. She must've hit her head hard against the steering wheel because it gave her a concussion..."

The mayor have given him her undivided attention as he spoke, determined that he had some good news to speak of, there _had_ to be some good news. "Where is she?!" She tried to push past him but he just gently grabbed her arm, making eye contact with her once more. "I'm so sorry Regina..." "NO!" She screamed and found the strength to push past him, tears streaming down her face as she found the room where Emma was. Walking into the room, it felt like she was stepping on glass with every step she took, getting closer to the body she wished would move, show some sign of life within it. "Emma..." She whispered, tears showing now sign of stopping.

"Please...say something..." As she reached the side of the hospital bed, she noticed that all the machines had been turned off and as she grabbed her wife's hand, the budding coldness made her knees buckle underneath her. "Emma. You can't do this. Please. Come back to me...Henry needs you. /I/ need you..." And just then Regina placed her free hand over her stomach, "The baby needs you..."

Today was going to be the day that she told Emma the good news, that is until she found out that her wife had been skipping her shifts at work for some odd reason and that was what sparked the argument. "I love you, Emma Swan-Mills. With all my heart and I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it." Regina couldn't hold back any longer, leaning forward she placed a kiss to the blonde's forehead before truly breaking down.

Thankfully Henry ran into the room just in time to catch her in his embrace before she fell to the floor. Letting the grief wash over her, she screamed as loud as possible, cursing the heavens for taking the woman she loved away from her, for depriving her of true love once again.

Henry just remained silent, letting his mother bury her face into his shoulder and cry while his arms held her tight. After what seemed like an eternity, they were able to convince an inconsolable Regina to go home and try to relax but how could she? How could she do anything but cry and blame herself for this? This was her fault, she had lost another love because of her foolish actions.

Henry drove them home and helped her into the house but when he tried to usher her upstairs she just shook her head no. Not _their_ room. Her scent would be everywhere up there and she wasn't ready for that just yet. Instead the brunette went into her study and laid down on the couch in there, staring blankly at the wall as she curled up as best she could. Out of tears, her eyes were puffy and red, growing heavier by the minute.

For the past four hours it felt like all the oxygen had been ripped from her body and she had forgotten how to breathe. She was tired but sleep wouldn't come, she couldn't allow it, so instead when her eyes closed she let darkness surround her and stayed that way for hours.

* * *

 _ **Three Years Later**_

Black heels clicked along the pavement of the sidewalk until they were silenced when they began making contact with grass. Instead there was a shuffling sound replacing it. The mayor maneuvered through the cemetery until she came across a specific tombstone that proudly read ' _Here Lies Emma Swan-Mills. Loving Wife, Mother and Daughter_.'

Regina had let the Charmings plan most of the funeral, not wanting to deprive them of their right to participate. Plus she was so overcome with grief that she could barely think, she was grateful for their help. It took a few silent seconds before she sat down on the grass in front of the tombstone, staring at it as if it were about to speak to her.

Taking a deep breath, she finally mustered the strength to speak, "I know I haven't been here since the funeral...I'm sorry. I just couldn't find the courage to come here, I knew it would tear my heart to pieces if I did. Even now, after three years, I'm on the verge of tears and it hasn't even been five minutes yet." A weak chuckle fell past her painted lips as she wiped a single tear from her cheek, taking another deep breath.

"But here I am. I think about you everyday, Emma. Your smile, your voice, your touch, your energy, your _presence._ It's hard without you here by my side but I'm doing my best to manage. Henry's nineteen now and getting ready to go to college. I wish you could see how handsome our young man is. The girls are flocking to him and I have to use a bat to scare them off. Trust me, if you saw half the girls he brought home you'd swing a bat too. He's so stubborn just like you and every time I look at his face, all I see is you." She chuckled lightly, the thought of her wife being motherly with their son crossing her mind.

"He wants to be a writer, promising that he's going to make so much money that he can buy me another mansion in Los Angeles or wherever I want to go. I must admit, it's a tantalizing offer." Sighing, Regina pulled her legs up to her chest. "That day when we were arguing, I thought the worst of you. When I found out your weren't showing up to work, I thought you might have been fooling around behind my back or something but a few months after you passed, Henry led me to one of the guest bedrooms and showed me why you had been missing work. The nursery you were building was absolutely stunning, Emma. And of course the swans along the walls was a nice touch."

That earned a small giggle from the brunette before she continued. "I don't know how you found out but then again you were always a snoop. The day the baby was born was the best and worst day of my life. The best because we brought a miracle into this world but the worst because you weren't there to share the moment with me. She has green eyes just like you and black, curly hair. The textbook definition of beautiful. Our _true love_ created a special child. She has magic and I can only imagine she gets her love for adventure from you because any chance she gets, she's running around the house trying to make things fly. But with the help of your parents, we'll get her magic under control or I fear she might turn us all into ducks or something much worse. She'll be three soon and I wish she could've gotten the chance to be with her mother, the infamous Savior who brought everyone their happy endings, but Henry makes sure to read her stories from his book, ensuring that your memory will live on."

Tears were appearing once more but Regina didn't bother wiping them away, "You truly were my happy ending and I only wish that I had realized it sooner. I have regular sessions with Dr. Hopper, he's actually helpful at times and he's helped me to stop blaming myself for what happened. For the longest I hated myself, cursing myself for letting that happen to you." Just as she was about to get up, feeling herself on the verge of breaking down she turned around when a small voice filled the springtime air, "Mommy!" The two year old child ran from her big brother's grip to her mother, settling on the grass next to her.

Regina smiled at her daughter, straightening her legs and pulling the child into her lap. Henry sat down beside them, wrapping a long, comforting arm around his mother and grinned. "I miss her too..." He whispered, earning a quirked brow from the child.

"Mommy, is that where Mama is?" Inquisitive and wise beyond her years, the curly haired brunette had been taught things most two year olds didn't learn until kindergarten but her mother was determined to make sure her child was mentally prepared long before then. Regina inhaled sharply but nodded, "Yes sweetie. You remember when I told you that Mama was in Heaven?"

She nodded and her mother brushed a curly lock behind her ear and kissed her cheek. "Well Mommy came here to talk to her." Resting her head on her mother's chest, the child took a moment to let everything sink in, "Can I talk to her too?" Henry took the initiative, lightly ruffling her hair and earning a giggle, "Of course you can, Lizzie."

Sitting up straight again, Lizzie looked at the tombstone, "Hi Mama. Henry and Mommy always tell me stories about you. Mommy says I have eyes like yours. Green ones! And I have magic like you too! I'm even named after you. _Elizabeth Emma Swan-Mills_." Little Lizzie stated proudly, clearly knowing exactly what she was talking about and Regina couldn't help but beam brightly at her children, both of them so much like their mother.

"I know I won't get to meet you but I love you anyway!" She exclaimed happily, throwing her hands up in the air, eliciting a hearty chuckle from her mother and brother.

Suddenly a gust of gentle wind blew, flowing through their hair and Regina immediately knew what it was. "I think that was Mama's way of saying she loves you too, sweetie."

The smile Lizzie was wearing warmed her heart. And as Emma's metaphorical kiss planted on each of their cheeks, Regina knew that her wife was shining down upon them, smiling so bright that the light from the sun was no match.


End file.
